i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She announced her abortion via fbk
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
