what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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