shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
