I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
