Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
