o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
