your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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