Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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