Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
