It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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