I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
