from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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