Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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