he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
