proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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