I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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