If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we're so committed to being not committed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
