we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
