I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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