3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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