i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
