i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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