Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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