My hand turned me down
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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