I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
