sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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