Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
