i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
