The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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