smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
