how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you made out with another girl for some wings
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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