okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Of course I have a pirate flag
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
