I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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