Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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