that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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