So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
