Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
