im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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