He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
