if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
