Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
