covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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