There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
