I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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