THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
