Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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