i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
