I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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