The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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