So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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