I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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