I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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