its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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