He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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