you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
