do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
