In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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