what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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