Your mouth is God's brothel.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
