This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
