They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
