So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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