That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
