I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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