remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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