Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
