why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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