her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
