you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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