Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
