I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
