yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
